Archive of Past Lists - Page 3

(Some may contain spoilerish information)

Things the Dead Do Do (contributed by Aurora) - Posted August 24, 2001

Because They're On Earth, and Things Cost Money, What Jobs Could The Crew Apply For (contributed by theFrey) - Posted August 18, 2001

Really Unsuitable Substitutes for Protoblood - Posted August 11, 2001

Reasons Kai Sings "Yo A Oh" All the Time - Posted August 4, 2001

Things Stan Could Do To Improve His Chances of Getting Some (Contributed by theFrey) - Posted July 27, 2001

Lexxian Euphemisms for Masturbation - Posted July 20, 2001

How/Why Does Kai Create/Manage/Maintain that Most Egregious Hairdo (contributed by Semiramis) - Posted July 14, 2001

Things We Wish Would Happen to 790 (contributed by The Frey) - Posted July 7, 2001

Worst Leisure Spots in the Two Universes - Posted June 30, 2001

Rejected Season 4 Plotlines - Posted June 23, 2001



Things the Dead Do Do (contributed by Aurora)

  1. Well certainly not that! The dead do not doodoo. -- theFrey

  2. Cause major thudding when they walk by. -- theFrey

  3. Tease Xev by their very presence. -- theFrey

  4. Annoy people by intoning "dead do nots" every five minutes. -- theFrey

  5. Lie quite convincingly, because apparently the dead do not do anything they don't want to. :-) -- theFrey

  6. Kiss robot heads and charm spaceships concerned about their appearance. -- theFrey

  7. Keep a poorly promoted Sci-Fi show alive and kicking. -- theFrey

  8. Maintain their hairstyle. Hey, that doesn't leave much time for anything else! Hence all the other "do nots." -- theFrey

  9. Provide complete distraction from the annoyances of everyday life. -- theFrey

  10. Like to bounce balloons. -- theFrey

  11. Provide comfortable seating for Bunny and Tina. -- theFrey

  12. Give piggy back rides. -- theFrey

  13. "The Dead are easily fooled" -- The Rock L4.6 -- Semiramis

  14. Quote Monty Python ("It's only a flesh would") -- Goldfish-Man

  15. The Dead do not "doodoo." - AuntyAlias

  16. Make mighty fine paper weights -- AuntyAlias

  17. Keep your place in line if you have to go "doodoo" while waiting at Costco. -- AuntyAlias

  18. Make up that extra body in the car pool lanes - more believable than the inflated ones. -- AuntyAlias

  19. Avoid the mental distraction of lust. -- AuntyAlias

  20. Keep their word, as opposed to mortal men. -- AuntyAlias

  21. Make for interesting dinner guests. They can keep the conversation going while folks have got food in their faces. -- AuntyAlias

  22. Learn how to play the piano after a fitful start. -- AuntyAlias

  23. Walk in the most sexy manner possible for a biped. -- AuntyAlias

  24. Mold. -- Amyzon

  25. The dead do obey orders (Kai, rub my feet and kill my husband.) -- Lomia

  26. Rot. -- googoljoy

  27. The dead do let the girls kiss 'em and hug 'em, but THAT'S ALL. The dead are nothin' but a tease. -- Aurora

  28. The dead obviously do spend hours in front of the mirror primping: moussing and combing and drying and spraying and ratting and fluffing and brushing and braiding and... -- Aurora

  29. Methinks the dead man doth protest too much. Hmmm? -- Aurora

  30. Walk like Baryshnikov in cowboy boots. -- Aurora

  31. The dead do do that voodoo that they do so well. -- StormBorn

  32. The dead do vogue. -- StormBorn

  33. The dead do get pissy. -- StormBorn

  34. The dead obviously grope female butts. -- StormBorn

  35. The dead do take criticism badly. Very badly. -- StormBorn

  36. The dead do know exactly how sexy they look climbing out of a moth. -- StormBorn

  37. The dead get sick and tired of the living sometimes, you know? -- StormBorn

  38. The dead do have it goin' on, and the dead do' know it, baybee! -- Sarcasmagoria

  39. React in typical male fashion to being called "bunhead." -- Sarcasmagoria

  40. Cause cardiac arrest in various humans simply by speaking. -- Sarcasmagoria

  41. The dead sure can belt out a mean Celtic drinking song. -- Sarcasmagoria



Because They're on Earth, and Things Cost Money, What Jobs Could The Crew Apply For? (contributed by theFrey)

  1. Stan: towel boy in a bath house. -- theFrey

  2. Xev: shampoo girl. Perhaps she could pick up some tips for her own mop of hair. -- theFrey

  3. Kai: hair stylist. I mean come on, every Brunnen-G guy in the world knows how to style hair. I can see it now: Mr. Kai of Wilshire Blvd., Stylist to the Stars. -- theFrey

  4. Kai: grounds keeper. That brace would make short work of pruning and trimming. -- theFrey

  5. Kai: Code Enforcement agent. He wouldn't have to worry about his safety when giving tickets to the jerks in rough neighborhoods. Also, at the request of terrorized little old ladies he might be able to "expedite" judgment against slumlords or crack house dwellers. Which would definitely speed up the fight to clean up the neighborhoods. -- theFrey

  6. Stan: Lackey and chief crawler for Bill Gates. -- theFrey

  7. Xev: Weather Girl. Hey, she's got the tits for it. -- theFrey

  8. Kai: Living (so to speak) art at the Museum of Modern Art. -- theFrey

  9. Kai can become the Pimp Daddy and put Xev and Stan out on the "Ho's Stroll." -- AuntyAlias

  10. Offer visitors flights on the LEXX for a ticket price. -- AuntyAlias

  11. Rent out 790 to perverts. -- AuntyAlias

  12. Teach 790 to say "would you like fries with that, sir?" -- AuntyAlias

  13. Open the LEXX as a bed a breakfast, but only if folks bring their own tasty treats for the LEXX to make breakfast out of. -- AuntyAlias

  14. Drugs. They could sell drugs. Yes, that's the ticket. -- AuntyAlias

  15. Bungee jumping from a moth flyer (did anyone see Jinx's pic of the bungee jumper who pooed himself?) (I must, must, must see this picture!! LMAO! -- Ed.) -- AuntyAlias

  16. Get masochists to pay to visit Prince's "Butterfly Collection" room. -- AuntyAlias

  17. Hire out 790 to the American Government to solve the convoluted tax laws. That should be worth a nickel. -- AuntyAlias

  18. Kai can join the Chippendale Dancers and swing around a pole with his brace. -- AuntyAlias

  19. Stan can open a porn shop specializing in sex toys from around the Two Universes, starting with "Venus Envy" in Halifax. -- AuntyAlias

  20. Take videos of undressing and abusing Kai while in cryosleep and selling it on the Internet for a membership fee. -- AuntyAlias

  21. Hire out the LEXX to competing countries for the highest bidder. -- AuntyAlias

  22. Kai would make a lovely exotic dancer. He's lean, cute and has a built in G-string. -- AuntyAlias

  23. Kai: male stripper with Mantrid as a manager (Mantrid can get him some good clients). (Hmm, do I sense a pattern here? Oh Be-eeannns!! -- Ed.) -- Yayie

  24. Stan: founder of a porn magazine called "The Breast of the Two Universes." -- Yayie

  25. Xev: a Black Widow. She marries rich men only for her cluster lizard part to kill them later. She gains millions. -- Yayie

  26. Kai: bathing suit model. AMEN!  -- Lightning and Thunder

  27. Xev: Buffy the Vampire Slayer -- Lightning and Thunder

  28. Stanley: Burger flipper -- Lightning and Thunder

  29. 790: Insulting comedian. -- Lightning and Thunder

  30. As the only one with any skills (other than killing people or screwing), Stan would open a successful private detective agency with Xev and Kai as handy dandy employees. He would, of course, get a major cut of the profits while paying the others minimum wage, thus making them dependent on him. 790 would be sold as a prototype at an International Toy Fair. -- StormBorn

  31. Kai would become an enforcer for an international drug cartel, explaining that providing pleasure for the masses is not something that he finds morally wrong. -- StormBorn

  32. Kai, Last of the Brunnen-G and the best car wash attendant in the Two Universes! -- StormBorn

  33. Xev decides she likes Texas and becomes a waitress in a roadside diner. -- StormBorn

  34. Stan pimps out Xev and Kai and becomes known as "Captain Pimp Daddy." With the LEXX and 790 as his "posse," he releases a string of rap hits. -- StormBorn

  35. Kai, the librarian, has a unique way of collecting overdue fines. -- StormBorn

  36. Kai could join the military and put his many skills to use as an international assassin for the CIA, an indestructible test pilot for the Air Force and alien liaison for the folks at Area 51. -- Basilisk

  37. Xev can settle in the Las Vegas desert and establish herself as a high-priced call girl. All the sex she wants and basking in the hot desert sun between clients. -- Basilisk

  38. 790 could do a stint as an 800 line phone sex provider. -- Basilisk

  39. Stan could be a disgruntled janitor at a women's college where he could be rejected and disparaged by hordes of women on a daily basis. -- Basilisk

  40.  One job only: 790 hacks into the world bans and siphons off millions into numbered accounts scattered across the Caymans, Switzerland and anyplace else people hid their money. -- Aurora

  41. Kai has no sense of humor, and he can be very scary; so he's perfect host The Weakest Link. He can take the show to the next level: "You ARE the weakest link," whhhhp-THWACK! -- Aurora

  42. Kai: elementary school teacher. That brace and his little "I have killed..." speech should keep the little darlings in line. -- Morbien

  43. Stan: stocks vending machines. -- Morbien

  44. Xev: professional party girl, escort services. -- Morbien

  45. Kai: shill for a chain of ersatz Mexican fast food joints. "Yo A Yo Quiero Taco Bell," anyone? -- Sarcasmagoria

  46. Kai: Plumber. I'll bet that brace of his could snake out a toilet like nobody's business! -- Sarcasmagoria

  47. 790: Howard Stern's new sidekick. Hey, they've gotta do something to make Stern less annoying! -- Sarcasmagoria

  48. Xev: Annie Sprinkle-esque performance artist. -- Sarcasmagoria


Really Unsuitable Substitutes for Protoblood

  1. Heinz Jalapeņo Ketchup. -- theFrey

  2. KY Jelly -- theFrey

  3. Mobil 10W30 Motor Oil, even the premium brand just doesn't cut it. -- theFrey

  4. Hershey's Chocolate Syrup. Not only doesn't it work really good, but Kai has to keep hiding it from Xev. -- theFrey

  5. Coke. Since everyone knows Kai should use Pepsi. It has been reanimating dead programmers, college students and office workers for years. -- theFrey

  6. Recycled motor oil. -- Logan55

  7. Chemical sludge. -- Logan55

  8. Aveda shampoo. -- Logan55

  9. Lemon Jell-O. -- Logan55

  10. Jalapeņo pepper jelly (the really hot kind) -- Logan55

  11. Cloverleaf honey. -- Logan55

  12. Dijon mustard. -- Logan55

  13. Hawaiian Wedding Punch (but he'd feel SOOOOOOOOOOO good he wouldn't care!) -- Logan55

  14. Super glue, it'll gum up the works. -- AuntyAlias

  15. Mayo. It'll go bad and stink. -- AuntyAlias

  16. Cover Girl makeup. It'll make Kai look too healthy. -- AuntyAlias

  17. LSD, for obvious reasons. "I can see my brace, my brace, my brace..."  -- AuntyAlias

  18. Rhino horn powder, Spanish Fly and oyster sauce. Remember, he ain't got no goolies. (Aw, man, ruin my fantasy, why don't you! -- Ed.) -- AuntyAlias

  19. Beer, he'll get a big old belly. -- AuntyAlias

  20. Salsa. He'll grow a mustache and start saying, "yo, Vato...o'dalay." -- AuntyAlias

  21. Soy Sauce. It'll make him too brown and he'll start bowing left and right for no good reason. -- AuntyAlias

  22. Pepsi (But...but...theFrey said.... -- Ed.) -- StormBorn 

  23. Red Bull -- StormBorn

  24. Semen. No, wait, that would be a really suitable substitute! -- StormBorn

  25. Liquid Metabolife. -- StormBorn

  26. Lusty female drool. -- Aurora

  27. Cherry Kool-Aid. You could make your own Kai-shaped popsicles, but I think it'd piss him off. -- Aurora

  28. Pineapple Banana-flavored massage oil. -- Aurora

  29. Piss, ice cream, lizard mucus, anchovies, Haggis, pus, sulfur dioxide, cat puke, fly saliva, windshield washer fluid, hydrolized yeast products and semen. (Hey! Where'd you get the recipe for my meatloaf?! -- Ed.) -- googoljoy

  30. Bongwater. -- Sarcasmagoria

  31. Budwieser. Actually, that stuff is a pretty lousy substitute for beer, too! -- Sarcasmagoria


Reasons Kai Sings "Yo A Oh" All the Time

  1. Sometimes that codpiece pinches in tender places, you know. -- theFrey

  2. It impresses chicks, they like a guy what can look studly while singing silly songs and wearing the hairdo from Hell. -- theFrey

  3. It's the only song he knows. Hey, the hair care time required by a Brunnen-G warrior does not leave a lot of time for other things! -- theFrey

  4. It aggravates Stan. -- theFrey

  5. It soothes the savage 790. -- theFrey

  6. He thinks if he sings it enough times, perhaps everyone else will start using his pronunciation of Brunnen-G at the end. -- theFrey

  7. It's not a song, it's actually a Brunnen-G vocal exercise. His Divine Shadow just killed 'em off before they could really get started with the real song. -- Mantrid's Ho

  8. It's a mating call for other dead people. -- Mantrid's Ho

  9. When he notices he's starting to smell a little and needs to be put back in the freezer. -- Mantrid's Ho

  10. In loving tribute to his elaborate hairstyle. -- Mantrid's Ho

  11. The "Yo A Oh" is actually a phrase Kai used in the job he had on Brunnis 2. The profession? counter person at McBrunnis. The translation? "Is that for here or to go?" -- Mantrid's Ho

  12. To hypnotize Stan and Xev into doing his bidding. -- Mantrid's Ho

  13. The singing is a side effect from the prolonged use of protoblood. -- Mantrid's Ho

  14. Because he has a pubic hair caught in the back of his throat...oh, I wish. -- AuntyAlias

  15. He is practicing Ebonics and was going for "Yo, a Ho!" -- AuntyAlias

  16. He is remember what it was like to cry out in a sexual frenzy. -- AuntyAlias

  17. Because he remembers the tune but forgot the verses. -- AuntyAlias

  18. He loves Ella Fitzgerald's jazz style. -- AuntyAlias

  19. He has ambition of being the next Frank Sinatra. -- AuntyAlias

  20. He forgot that it was "Yo EEE Yooo" because of cryopod freezer burn-induced amnesia. -- AuntyAlias

  21. He thought he saw someone he knew, and was hailing them then realized it wasn't them. "Yo!...Ah...oh..." -- AuntyAlias

  22. It's the lullaby his Mommy always sang. -- StormBorn

  23. "I know there's another verse, I know it! Why can't I remember?" -- StormBorn

  24. Because he feels "Jimmy Crack Corn" would be somehow inappropriate. -- StormBorn

  25. It's just one of those tunes you can't get out of your head. -- StormBorn

  26. Sadly, Kai died before completing his "Yodel Like Wilf Carter" correspondence course... -- JLS

  27. It's the Brunnen-G version of The Alphabet Song. -- Logan55

  28. Because the real meaning ("I Hate Stan") is, well, tacky. -- Logan55

  29. He's positive that this time he'll pass remedial Spanish. -- Logan55

  30. It's the only song he knows. -- Minecritter

  31. He forgot the words to "Freebird." -- Sarcasmagoria

  32. Though it has a cool beat and all, "Smack My Bitch Up" just didn't do enough for morale. -- Sarcasmagoria

  33. It was either that or "100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall," and, well, you know... -- Sarcasmagoria

  34. It was the last song he heard on the radio before he left Brunnis 2, and it got stuck in his head. However, to Kai's eternal detriment, "Yo A Oh" in English means "Oops, I Did It Again." Poor bastard. -- Sarcasmagoria


Things Stan Could Do To Improve His Chances of Getting Some

  1. Duct tape his mouth shut. - theFrey

  2. Get a hundred dollars and go down to Harry Hines Blvd. Well, he's going to be in Texas, he could you know. -- theFrey

  3. Change out of that stupid jumpsuit. -- theFrey

  4. Try making eye contact. -- theFrey

  5. Whine, beg and plead in a less irritating tone of voice. -- theFrey

  6. Not be seen with Kai. The comparison is just too painful. -- theFrey

  7. Wear something a little sexier than those white briefs of his. -- theFrey

  8. Read "Getting Some for Dummies." -- theFrey

  9. Stop mentioning his urges in the first 30 seconds of a conversation. -- theFrey

  10. Quit threatening to blow up planets if he doesn't get some "satisfaction." The potential destruction of you home might mar the moment for a lot of women. -- theFrey

  11. Get another outfit. -- AuntyAlias

  12. Ditch the hat. -- AuntyAlias

  13. Come to the point sooner. Stop dancing around with the coy shit. -- AuntyAlias

  14. Grow his hair and dye it black. -- AuntyAlias

  15. Borrow Thodin's miniskirt. -- AuntyAlias

  16. Consider interspecies possibilities. There's always the tongue in the toilet, after all. (eep! -- Ed.) -- AuntyAlias

  17. Have the LEXX produce deodorant. -- AuntyAlias

  18. Pick up some hitch hikers from the edge of the universe. They are always looking for a new thrill. -- AuntyAlias

  19. Sell Crack. -- AuntyAlias

  20. Using the LEXX's destructive powers, hold planets hostage and threaten destruction unless they send up all the "fine babes" they got. Blow up a moon to demonstrate. -- AuntyAlias

  21. Recognize the growing population of Stan Sluts on the little blue-green planet and let them do it to him...over and over again. -- AuntyAlias

  22. Get that puppy he always wanted and go walk the dog. Puppies are always "babe magnets." -- AuntyAlias

  23. Reprogram the moth breeders to comply to his every desire. -- AuntyAlias

  24. Get a Kai makeover, ditch the uniform, keep the hat and tell everyone he has the most powerful tool in the Two Universes. -- Yayie

  25. Embroider his hat with a "69" instead of a four. -- Mantrid's Ho

  26. Use white powder for that deathly white pallor look. A lot of chicks seem to dig that. -- Mantrid's Ho

  27. Start using, "look, sleep with me or I blow up your planet!" as a pick-up line. -- Mantrid's Ho

  28. It couldn't hurt to try a bun. Well, it works for the dead guy! -- Aurora

  29. Submit to a complete overhaul in  male Lusticon from the molecular level up. -- luxilluminata

  30. Change his designation to "Security Guard Class Foreplay." -- Sarcasmagoria

  31. Scoop up Kai's "cast-offs" on the rebound. -- Sarcasmagoria

  32. Start a rumor that the "H" in "Stanley H. Tweedle" stands for "Hung like a horse." -- Sarcasmagoria

  33. Solicit sexual favors in exchange for the chance to use the LEXX to blow up one's workplace or ex-boyfriend's house. Well, that's all it would take for me! -- Sarcasmagoria


Lexxian Euphemisms for Masturbation 

  1. "Wake the Dead" -- JLS

  2. The Mantrid Drone Hand Job -- AuntyAlias

  3. Getting Robot head -- AuntyAlias

  4. Squishing -- AuntyAlias

  5. Mashing the Potato (for Capt. Moss) -- AuntyAlias

  6. Choking the food tube -- AuntyAlias

  7. "The dead do not wank" -- AuntyAlias

  8. Doint the key transfer -- AuntyAlias

  9. Smoothing around the bend -- AuntyAlias

  10. Tunneling (getting down and dirty 3.7) -- AuntyAlias

  11. Nooking the knob -- AuntyAlias

  12. Raising the gondola -- AuntyAlias

  13. "Non-girls do not wank. Record that and send copies. Next on the agenda?" -- AuntyAlias

  14. Yumming the drumsticks -- AuntyAlias

  15. Wasting the skin -- AuntyAlias

  16. (only when Prince of Fire is diddling with Kai or Stan in the guise of Xev) -- AuntyAlias

  17. Last but not least...flying the LEXX -- AuntyAlias

  18. Riding the robot head -- StormBorn

  19. Stickin' the bun -- StormBorn

  20. Doint the old 'twist and pull' -- StormBorn

  21. The codpiece dance -- StormBorn

  22. Manufacturing some bug juice -- StormBorn

  23. Spanking the moth -- 790

  24. Milking the goo tube -- 790

  25. Checking the cryopod -- 790

  26. The dead do not have sexual congress. But they have been rumored to adjust themselves vigorously. -- The Frey

  27. Yanking the rods -- The Frey

  28. Tweedling. As in: I'm just sitting here, thinking about you and tweedling myself. -- The Frey

  29. Scrubbing the cryopod -- Crazycrone

  30. Priming the linear accelerator -- Logan55

  31. Swatting the big bug -- Sarcasmagoria

  32. Doing the solo Humpy Jumpy Dance -- Sarcasmagoria

  33. Waxing the robot head -- Sarcasmagoria

  34. Doing it Tweedle Style -- Sarcasmagoria



How/Why Does Kai Create/Manage/Maintain that Most Egregious Hairdo (contributed by Semiramis) 

  1. By not bathing. It's held with ambient grime. the same stuff that is keeping his outfit together. -- AuntyAlias

  2. Lyekka's plant tube sucks Kai's hair up and realizing Kai's dead spits it out in an even spiral. "Thank you," Kai says, taking the last strand and winding it around the base of the bun. -- AuntyAlias

  3. He sleeps standing up. -- AuntyAlias

  4. The cryochamber is cold, freezes them hairs in place. -- AuntyAlias

  5. Sets it with beer...hey, that worked back in the days before Dippity Do. -- AuntyAlias

  6. Has the Moth Breeders fix it for him, he reprogrammed them to braid quickly. -- AuntyAlias

  7. It's NOT all hair, just the top layer. The rest is BRACE CABLE, that's where it's all stored. Didn't you know that? -- AuntyAlias

  8. As a youth, Kai and the other Brunnen-G newborns were required to spend two weekends a month at beautician's boot camp until they received their tattoos. -- The Frey

  9. Kai's brace also has a "rat-tail comb" configuration. -- The Frey

  10. More important than the secret of eternal life, the Brunnen-G also unlocked the secret of the eternal permanent. -- The Frey

  11. The dead do not have to manage/create/maintain their hair. -- Kai

  12. Secretly, when Xev is asleep, Stan sneaks in and does my hair. I think I have even seen him licking my cryopod. -- Kai

  13. He used it as a way to avoid being worn out by almost constant sexual advances before his death. "No honey, I can't possibly do it tonight, I need to wash/style my hair," or the ever popular "not now, you'll muss my hair." -- Amyzon

  14. He doesn't. It's a wig! He'll just put a few drops of protoblood to smooth it out, though. -- Yayie

  15. If you sneak onto the LEXX late at night, you might be lucky enough to catch Kai primping in front of the mirror, equipped with Xev's hairbrush and a dab of protoblood for hold -- XevZev

  16. When the others are sleeping, Kai uses his bun to smuggle drugs to pay for his hairstylist. -- XevZev

  17. The 101st use for a dead black cat (with the tail for the lovelock). And if you look very carefully in Wake the Dead, you can see the little paws hanging down. (*Snarf!* - Ed.) -- JLS

  18. He has a fortune invested in styling products - do you think he'd give up that hairdo now?!? -- StormBorn

  19. The dead do not wear crew-cuts -- StormBorn

  20. How: a bicycle pump and lots of duct tape. -- Sarcasmagoria

  21. Why: because nothing says "booty magnet" like a big ol' bun and braid -- Sarcasmagoria

  22. Why: just in case he's ever chased by the baddies in Las Vegas, he'll be able to blend in seamlessly with a passing group of Elvis impersonators. -- Sarcasmagoria

  23. Why: Because a rainbow-striped 'Fro would just be too flashy, y'know? -- Sarcasmagoria

  24. Why: to pay homage to his beloved Brunnen-G mentor, Littele Ry'Charde. -- Sarcasmagoria



Things We Wish Would Happen To 790 (contributed by The Frey)

  1. 790 falls in love with Kryten 2X4B 523P. - Majsan

  2. 790 realizes the piece of brain he got comes from Stan. -- Majsan

  3. Stan, Xev and Kai finally discover that 790's piece of brain contains essence from the Giga Shadow -- Majsan

  4. 790 and 7of9 have secret meeting and plant to take over the universe. Their catchphrase is "Robotics rules! We won't give up until we own all human souls." -- Majsan

  5. Fall in love with Stan, the Man!" -- Yayie

  6. 790 trapped, voice chip de-activated, facing Stan as he takes his shower. -- XevZev

  7. 790 stranded at Disney World. -- XevZev

  8. 790 proposing marriage to the love of his life -- Mickey Mouse. -- XevZev

  9. Finally, 790 gazes upon something even more stunning than his beloved -- his own reflection. -- XevZev

  10. That he finds Pinocchio's Fricking Fairy so he can become a real boy. -- AuntyAlias

  11. To see 790 cobble together with a tractor mower and a heavy duty industrial vibrator. What a ride!! -- AuntyAlias

  12. For 790 to get that 791 body back. -- AuntyAlias

  13. To have his wish of a fist up his neck hole come true. -- AuntyAlias

  14. To have 790 and Kai interface with them goolie probes and 790's open neck. Have a Kai with a smart-talking robot head for goolies. Now that's an image. (Indeed! - Ed.) -- AuntyAlias

  15. Just to see Giggerota carry 790 about in that head sack at the back of her neck, just for a bit, just for gruesome fun. -- AuntyAlias

  16. To outfit 790 with a workable tongue and lips. YOW!! -- AuntyAlias

  17. I would like to see 790 be sold to Microsoft as a gift for Bill Gates. he would of course be upgraded/inflicted with Windows ME, given to Billy the Gates and then reactivated, becoming Bill's Windows driven/buggy love slave. -- They Frey

  18. I, er, she finally finds a body, gains control of the LEXX and strands the incompetent security guard class none and the love slut on that uninteresting little blue planet, and thereupon flies off to perfect bilss with my, er, her delicious dead man. -- 790

  19. Sentenced to life in prison. Becomes the cafeteria vending machine's "bitch." -- Sarcasmagoria

  20. Broken down into bits and reassembled as Rosie O'Donnell's vibrator. -- Sarcasmagoria

  21. He and Bender from Futurama attempt to outsnark each other. -- Sarcasmagoria



Worst Leisure Spots in the Two Universes 

  1. The Princess Cruise Line proudly announces the inaugural voyage of its new flagship transport, the Pris~On. It's a cool, cool trip to the center of The Cluster, one of our most popular destinations. Exclusive attractions for our gueses include many specialty tours. Sign up for a ground view of what's happening in the Cluster Arena. Other tours include an up-close view of the inner workings of His Divine Shadow's new Battle Cruiser. Book your cruise now, because after The Cleansing it will be too late! -- The Frey

  2. Fire. Prince is there. -- Yayie

  3. Jail in any universe. -- AuntyAlias

  4. Disney World, where everyone is acting like it's normal to walk around wearing mouse ears. -- AuntyAlias

  5. On clean-up crew in the Giga Shadow's lower pipes. -- AuntyAlias

  6. Feppo and Smoor's Pleasure Palace, dressed up in their drag outfits. -- AuntyAlias

  7. My late daddy's trailer, in the summer, without AC. -- AuntyAlias

  8. In the cryochamber, without Kai. -- AuntyAlias

  9. On a fresh roadkill vacation with Giggerotta down Route 66. -- AuntyAlias

  10. After getting a message from the planet N.U.D.I.S.T., Stan tells the LEXX to fly to the planet immediately, expecting lots of nude women. When he arrives at the planet, he realizes that N.U.D.I.S.T. means Nerds Unit Designed for Infiltration and Scientific Terrorism and flees for his life. -- Majsan

  11. Six Flags Over Klaagya. -- Sarcasmagoria

  12. Cobalt Stadium Cluster Lizard Petting Zoo -- Sarcasmagoria

  13. The beach. Just trust me on this one. -- Sarcasmagoria

  14. Uncle Duke's Archery Kamp 4 Kidz -- Sarcasmagoria



Rejected Season 4 Plotlines 

  1. The question "What does Kai got under his codpiece" ends up on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and the answers are:

    1. A bag of nuts

    2. His life savings

    3. A Snickers bar

    4. Only God knows

    -- Majsan

  2. Lyekka gets a role in Little Shop of Horrors and accidentally eats the producer. -- Majsan

  3. Xev and Zev end up in a violent catfight after having arguing who is the real Xev/Zev. -- Majsan

  4. While on the little blue planet, Kai discovers a readily available protoblood substitute. It is made by a company called Pepsi. It's beneficial effects can be attested to by the legions of dead programmers and college students that it has reanimated over the years. -- The Frey

  5. The LEXX lands on Earth and desires a sex change while Stanley has a secret affair with the love of his life -- 790. -- Yayie

  6. George W. Bush plans on stealing the LEXX to blow up abortion clinics. -- Yayie

  7. The LEXX goes insane and blows up Earth while the crew is away, leaving Kai to drift endlessly in space. Bored, he unravels his costume and takes up crochet, using his brace as a crochet hook. -- StormBorn

  8. Kai and 790 decide they're the perfect couple, as neither of them have any functional naughty bits, leaving Xev to turn to Stan in desperations. -- StormBorn

  9. A nervous little blonde kid follows Kai around for an entire episode asking if there's something he needs to tell him. -- Sarcasmagoria

  10. Forget Feppo and Smoor, this time Stanley Tweedle runs afoul of Siegfried and Roy! -- Sarcasmagoria

  11. Prince hooks up with George W. Bush at a "World Domination for Dummies" seminar. Hijinks ensue. -- Sarcasmagoria

  12. Darling, delightful, delicious Xev forgets all about Kai after a day spent with darling, delightful, delicious Ricky Martin. -- Sarcasmagoria

  13. Giggerota reincarnated as Anna Nicole Smith. -- Sarcasmagoria

  14. Kai walks into a goth nightclub and walks out ten minutes later with a wheelbarrow full of phone numbers. -- Sarcasmagoria

  15. "OK, who's the ever lovin' GENIUS who installed Windows NT on 790?!?" -- Sarcasmagoria

  16. Kai awakens from cryosleep and announces "I know Kung Fu." -- Sarcasmagoria

  17. A brace malfunction causes Kai to accidentally decapitate Eminem. The universe rejoices. -- Sarcasmagoria

  18. The future of the LEXX grows darker when it confronts the only force in the universe more powerful than its weapon -- Russell Crowe's ego. -- Sarcasmagoria



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